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A u g u s t    1 0 ,   2 0 0 7
 

A   m u s t   r e a d . . .

Although the title sounded little odd, the book itself is so rooted in our daily lives, it is a reflection of our journey of self discovery. It is an easy read with a lot of in depth analysis of our complex human behaviour. I totally enjoyed reading it, and highly recommned it for any curious soul....

Ehab A. Elgabry
Cleveland , USA
Originally posted on amazon.com

August 21, 2007
 

...thought-provoking
Tikitian Imprints was a thought-provoking combination of insight, sensuality and an over-all great read --- a physical journey back in time --- and a psychological journey into the backs of our minds, revealing the "real" reasons vs "good" reasons we often do what we do. Brilliant!! I don't, however, recommend giving your copy to a friend... you'll want to read it again.

Glenda Adcox
McLean, VA
Originally posted on amazon.com

November, 2007
 

  It was my pleasure to have the chance to read this book. Tikitian Imprints is a piece of brain storm book that really made me think and think as the author dig deeply into the psyches of all humans that lived since the first existence of Man on earth and up to this day. The author analyzed human relations and internal feelings. He removed the modernization barriers that guard our behavior and described our inner selves and emotions so the truth came clear and clean.
I started with the dedication. It described the strong bond and relationship the author had with his late mother. It was so emotional. It brought tears to my eyes. I couldn't continue reading the book that day.

   Later, I started reading the book. In chapter 1, the author introduced eight different characters. They came from different cultures. They had different goals and ways of living. That confused me as it was not leading to anywhere. I got confused again when I went to chapter 2 where we were introduced to Habi and Sheeba. I considered them the first humans on earth (Adam and Eve) but going further in the book, I discovered that that was not the case as we later discover that there were many other humans living on earth before them.

    Then we come to the philosophical part and the analysis of the internal feelings of man. That was expressed in a long dialogue between Habi and his friend Auna. Within this dialogue, I found the description of part of myself (why humans smile). Also the author's philosophies were further expressed in another chapter through a dialogue between Habi and his other friend Watuna. Here we go in further depth in Man and in the rules that govern human relationships and communication.

   When I came to the end of the book, I found the reply to my initial confusions about the description of the eight characters in chapter 1; each of them lead to one truth about human ways of thinking, goals and objectives in life.
 

   Thanks to the author for the opportunity to make us go through the new experience of reading such type of books which made me so sad at times, so confused at other times and so thoughtful most of the time.

Engineer Shehata Elsalamy
shehataelsalamy@yahoo.com

 

December, 2007

 

Tikitian Imprints by Dr. Hatem Eleishi is not only a beautiful novel but also a review of the descent of ancient Man in Africa written in a philosophical and artisitc way.

Dr. Fawzi Gaballah
Professor of Anatomy and Physical Anthropology
Cairo University, Egypt

December 2007
 

  Tikitian imprints is a great book. Its very well written making it very easily read. I finished it in two days. Eleishi, the author, did a very good job in making the reader very curious to know what was coming up next in each and every chapter in the book. He answered many questions to our endless journey of self discovery.
Life is very complex and the questions are endless and Eleishi took us to the very simple lives of a man and a woman "Habi and Sheeba" living in the wild with elimination of all external factors of civilization, society, culture........etc.. He took us to the very core of humans and exquisitely described their lives, their likes and dislikes, their fears and insecurities, their survival and their happiness. He made it very simple for us to realize our own needs and conflicts in life.
 

   Later on, Eleishi gradually introduced civilization and its impact on human race. In a beautiful and philosophical way, he answered many of our questions as humans in the beautiful dialogue between Habi and Auna on one side and Habi and Watuna on the other. He unveiled "the real reasons behind the good reasons", the moral truth that lies beneath our apparent social behaviour. I think its about time that we could be honest with ourselves regarding our true motives and actions in life. Life is a give and take and no matter how long we deny this fact, it is the truth!!
 

    Later on, he explained many issues regarding friendship and relationships and the secure relationship that can exist between a man and a woman. I think readers would admire this part and wish to have a nourished love like the one he described.
 

    Furthermore Eleishi talked about death and symbolized children as a continuation of our existence. He also philosophically described the early concepts of faith and religion...
Last but not least, he wrote a beautiful dedication to his mother that brought tears to my eyes. I think his mother did a great job raising a son, who appreciates, admires and loves her that much!!!
 

    This is a must read book that taught me so much about life! We are Habi and Sheeba after all with some of our questions answered, but many other unanswered. Eleishi unveiled for us our true motives and made them so transparent enabling us to cope with many issues in life!!
 

   I was fortunate enough to have Dr. Hatem Eleishi as a professor of mine in rheumatology and i believe i learned so much from him as a doctor but after this book i learned much more from him about LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!


Sherine Aly Elmofty
 

December 31st, 2007
 

    "Tikitian Imprints" is such an enjoyable read. Hatem takes us on a journey through which we come to discover our real selves...our needs, our fears, the real reasons behind our behavior.
He gets deep into the relationship between friends and between man and woman in a simple and at the same time very analytical way that enables us to better understand those relationships in more depth.
 

   I really enjoyed reading "Tikitian Imprints". I discovered several issues that everybody should consider in his/her life.
 

   Great work my dear husband. You did it... The ideas in this book have been there for years. Finally you were able to brilliantly put them all in such a wonderful work.

Rasha Safwat

February, 2008
 

   "A very interesting approach. A most interesting dissertation on a very common and important relationship. Beautifully done. I'll read it again."

Einar Overn
Nanton, Alberta, Canada
Posted on amazon.com
 

February 2008
 

   An eye opener. Presents a new look at an old, old subject. Makes one think and challenges the reader to re-evaluate her/his view of relationships. I recommend this book to everyone who wants to understand "the real reasons behind the good reasons".

C. C. Aggour, Maryland
Posted on amazon.com
 

February 9, 2008
 

Thought provoking...
This is a book that is both thought-provoking and gripping. You do not have to agree with the author's perspective, however, what you will find is that it does indeed force you to take a deeper outlook on your everyday interactions. I did not find it a ready-made tailored interpretation of our intertwined and complex human interactions; which is a good thing, but rather a ray of light that allows you to look beyond the superficiality of modern-day society.

Dr. Sameh Hassan
Birmingham, UK
Posted on amazon.com

April, 2008
ANTICA Book Report
TIKITIAN IMPRINTS – HATEM ELEISHI
 

OUTLINE
 Setting and Time period
 Main Characters
 Plot summary
 Literary Style of Eleishi & Excerpts from the novel
 Thoughts presented in the novel

   The story takes place in Africa in fictional villages; Tikiti and Hikanda where the hero of the story (Habi) is a man with no human ancestry. Habi was brought to earth by angels together with Sheeba his wife, at the age of 13. They embody the lives of the first humans, exploring together the many difficulties that in the author’s mind; encompassed the early civilization.

   The main characters of the story are Habi, Sheeba his wife, Watuna and Auna; Habi’s friends in Hikanda.

   The lives of the characters Habi and his Hakandian friends intertwine after a coincidental discovery from the Hikandians of Tikiti’s grape trees. Eleishi explores how primitive-man thinking will lead to future events of Habi being included into the Hikandian tribe, from the initial fear to the hostility and finally the surrender. After Habi, Sheeba and their babies are taken to Hikanda to live amongst the tribe the novel takes a different pace, going from descriptive to objective. The Hikandians don’t waste any time without teaching Habi the many ethics and social codes in which he has to follow to be part of their civilized culture. Through these teachings Eleishi incorporates his opinions and teachings of the human nature.

   The title “tikitian imprints” is derived from the location of the novel, taking on a scientific outlook and a religious knowledge of the known fact that early humans were sent to earth to the forests of Africa. The word “imprints” refers to the fact that Habi and Sheeba were our ancestors, and how these imaginary historical events would affect our today world.

   Eleishi’s thoughts on evolution and human psychology are rather fascinating. It is rare to find writers to tackle these issues in such a well understood religious frame. The implementation that we are not, as humans, derived from apes; as Darwin suggested, rather we are brought to Earth in the form of intelligent beings via Angels sent by God was one of the strongest pros of the novel. Yet the introduction of how Habi was sent to earth was rather inadequate to the storyline. If he was sent to Earth the same way Adam was, why then were there other human beings around? Why hadn’t the author just started the events that Habi was living all alone in a deserted place much like Tarzan. The reader would have been left to inquire on the origin of Habi, which would have added some spice to the opening. Also the comment on how “angels never learn from their mistakes” was a source of debate from the readers’ side. The intention of this phrase might have been humorous for the effect of comedy, to laugh at the scream of Habi reaching Earth and the vines hurting him. It would have been a comical scene in a movie, as for the book the remark on the angels weakened the fact that Eleishi is a man with understanding to religion.

   The fact that the author was confident and knowledgeable in his religious faith, which was apparent in the last chapters, was pleasurable. These types of authors are lacking in English literature. Though if Eleishi would stress more on one idea he might have been much more successful on possibly convincing the readers, but the long buildup of events taking place in 13 chapters before Eleishi finally exposed his true philosophy could have unmotivated many to thinking that the novel is just a bedtime read rather than a book with substance.

   It would have been far more attractive if Eleishi would sprinkle his thoughts throughout the novel rather than coagulate them in a couple of pages. The message needed to be portrayed in the writing was fragmented but not well distributed. He mentions in his opening chapter grandsons of Habi’s, supposedly our everyday life people. The reader doesn’t reach the understanding that they are related till the end. The fragmentation of thoughts only served to discourage the reader to read through the first chapter. It could have been put in the end and served a better purpose. Issues discussed in Tikitian Imprints were not simple issues, rather sharp and struck home. The style Eleishi discussed sexuality was not a confined one, instead he thoroughly describes sexual acts and feelings.

“But I would never advise you to ignore your woman’s orgasms,” Watuna replied. “On their way to their orgasms, many women can turn so wild and loud that you feel it is either their orgasms or your life.” “So I better choose their orgasm.” Said Habi laughing.

   It is well understood that the author meant not to arouse the readers, but to provide them with knowledge and understanding from his thorough awareness of the issue derived from his medical study. He beautifully compared between sex before and after being dominated in a tribe. Suggesting that even that what we know now as foreplay is just another social etiquette imposed on sex by society. Although sex education is highly needed in seemingly educated societies, yet the elaboration of the intercourse talk was highly distasteful to the reader.

   Sexuality has been incorporated in many novels, yet the literary style would always convey a message, either to lift the spirits of the readers after an intense scene, or to take the readers’ minds off the plot before surprising them with a scene of death or any such horror, or maybe even to arouse in certain types of novels. In romance novels it is understood why sex would be incorporated, yet the sex in Tikitian Imprints didn’t serve any literary purpose, only a seemingly educational one.

   When it came to the interaction between Habi and Sheeba it was told to us through Habi’s talks to his friends, nothing direct or possibly interactive plots, which seemed to be the literary style throughout the whole novel. If the novel had taken a more interactive plot it would have been far more entertaining. The speeches given to Habi served only preach the reader rather than convince. This was one of the major cons of the story. Had it been a scientific paper or article it would have been a wonderful production, yet for a novel it had a negative effect. The readers of this novel are not left to wonder, their imagination and thought is never really provoked as the information was abruptly spoon-fed to them.

   A great author once said that fiction exists primarily for pleasure, or it is nothing. (A.S Byatt; author of “Possession” 1990) Eleishi’s thoughts are very engaging, nevertheless the writing of the novel and his literary style need improvement. Either the work of fiction should be transformed to an article or the ideas that were so forward should be wittily disguised all the way through the scenes.

   Eleishi’s thoughts are magnificent. Highly realistic and mostly leaning towards cynical, but very impressive.

“Imagine you’ve been walking on your feet for many days on a vast desert thirsty looking for water to drink. […] You grow desperate especially when you know that not many of the others who had gone on such desert trips have stumbled on any waters. […] Imagine in the end, after so many dry days, that one lucky day you stumble on a well with abundant water. […] You settle there beside that well. […] Imagine that some day, that well that had once been pumping in your life all that abundant flow of water was starting to dry out and to give out much less water. What would you do?” asked Watuna. […] Habi closes his eyes and after a pause says, “ I think I would wait till there was no more water.[…] till I was sure there was no more hope in any more water coming again out of that well. Then I would set out walking in that desert and searching again for another well”

   Here Eleishi displays love that is finite in a very creative context of water, which is the source of life, and how it may fade away. The human being will wait for the last drop of water/love before moving on to another well/person. In this metaphorical display Eleishi skillfully explains why people hang on when others think the relationship stands no chance. It was a very beautiful well-put part in the novel and highly applicable to recent day struggle of the sexes.

“[…] you see, Habi, nobody actually loves anybody but his very own self.”
Possibly the harshest comment in the novel. The part where Habi gets to know about his human feelings is highly cynical. No mention of love and God or the afterlife has been found, rather a give-and-take ideology that is unexpected from an artist, yet accepted from a scientist. If one were to dedicate his life, time, money, health or emotions to something he would expect a re-fund somehow. This idea discussed in many parts of the book, when given deep thought turn out true on many levels. However to go as far as to mention that no one loves anyone except themselves is an issue that would cause major debate. Why did Romeo kill himself when he thought Juliet committed suicide? Why do people at war give away their lives to protect their country? Where is the romance? This phrase had the same implication as telling a 5-year-old that Santa Claus doesn’t exist. Even if it’s true no mind will accept the immediate information. Such life-changing phrase should be the climax of a highly engaging novel. It would be fit for a closing scene in an affectionate opera play, but with the relaxed course of the novel adopted by Eleishi that was informative rather than intriguing, it had a striking effect in shunning the romantic reader.

   The ideas tackled in the novel were mainly a male’s point of view. Although Eleishi eloquently defended women’s rights in a thrilling manner, there were no feminine angles throughout the novel, until maybe the last chapters. Eleishi deprived us from a description of how mother comes to terms with her babies in breastfeeding and labor. It would have been interesting to know a doctor’s view on such matter.

   To conclude it must be said that Eleishi is a great thinker with many noble thoughts on humanity and the origins. His novel “Tikitian Imprints” contains many of such colorful ideas, put forward to us by a brilliant Professor of Science. Nonetheless to make the novel eligible for a best-seller much work is required on the literary field. Much support and appreciation goes to Eleishi for his effort and enthusiasm to portray humanity to us through his eyes, the eyes of a true intellectual. We wish that Eleishi may consider following in Mary Shelley’s (author of Frankenstein) steps and re-write the novel so as not to deprive the world from his wit.
 

Compiled and put forward by: Noha Kandil Co-founder of ANTICA and “Head of Culture Committee & Book Club”.
Ideas discussed in Book Club Meeting 03 which took place on the 25th of April 2008
Any reproduction of this report should be done with consent of both the author of book and author of report.

May, 2008

My comments and reply to ANTICA Book Club Book Report
 

Dear ANTICA Book Club Members,

   I would like to express my deepest gratitude to all of you for giving me the honor to read my novel "Tikitian Imprints" and for being so kind to write a book report. I hope the book fulfilled the purpose I wrote it for which was to highlight a new perspective on our relationship with ourselves, with our society and with our transition from life to after-life. I thank you all for the positive comments but more importantly for the negative ones.

   There are a few points in the book report that I would like to comment on, points I would like to commend and points I would like to clarify.

   I would like to specially commend your constructive remarks on my literary style (e.g. interactive plot versus getting to know about events through dialogues) and on the didactic approach of some of the dialogues that had a negative effect on the reader. I can see those two flaws now clearly. I also appreciate your advice about disguising more of the ideas rather than putting them too forward to the reader and about sprinkling the ideas throughout the novel although the later one was very difficult in Tikitian Imprints (vide infra).

   It's amazing how some same parts of the novel elicit diverse and sometimes even opposite responses by different readers. One example is the opening chapter that encouraged some readers to go on with enthusiasm but discouraged others.

   As much as I was impressed by your professional talent and competence in writing a book review, I was dismayed by some occasional and really unneeded harshness of language like "the remark on angels weakened the fact that Eleishi is a man of understanding to religion". With your strong guess that it might have been a comical remark with no underlying convictional persuasions or intentions, I found it rather unpleasant that you go so far to judgmental extremes and to give factual declarations in your comment about the author. God judges us by our intentions. How about humans? What was odder here is that you followed that judgment immediately with admiring the author's religious faith!

   The handling of sexuality issues indeed gave me a hard time during the writing of that book; I was shattered between two objectives. The first one was my predetermination to be blunt and straightforward at word selection and raw at description in a book that will be read in different cultures including those (like ours) that are practicing dull-minded banning and tabooing of sexuality issues and that is only proving to be more disadvantageous and even disastrous at times than positive and beneficial. The other objective was my concerns about making this part still not disagreeable to conservative readers and not biasing them away from the reception and perception of my ideas. Apparently the balance overly tipped (I agree) towards a too raw side several times. But may I interrupt here by declaring that I had projections and implied meanings for that seemingly offensive rawness most of the time? I will take as an example the very excerpt that you chose as a reference in your report, "wild and loud". Let me clarify here the projections of that phrase although that clarification is not meant to be a justification. I agree with you that that area could (even should) have been handled less directly literary wise. My point in that excerpt was not a cheap humor as some readers had perceived it. Rather it was a further elaboration on the contrast between the Tikitian sex relationship and the Hikandian sex relationships; in Tikita, sex was taken for granted and there was no worry or fear that you would not be gratified and having your needs fulfilled. However, in Hikanda, in the many-men-many-women community, where bilateral gratification was an issue to consider, "loud and wild" emerged sometimes as a means of communicating a type of feedback to the partner that served to ensure a fulfillment of that now-rather-endangered need and not as an inapt expression of joy.

   I disagree with the great author who once said that fiction is primarily for pleasure. I believe it is primarily for opening new horizons of thought and feeling to people that, in turn, would change their lives to the better through a pleasurable context or medium. Pleasure, in my own terms, comes as the indispensible method but definitely not the primary objective. The good lesson I learn here from your report and from other post-publishing experiences I had is that if you can be clever enough to hone your literary abilities so that you add the spice of pleasure to your thoughts and to the message you are communicating in such a way that you hook your readers from the first to the last page, then you are a real winner. The difference between having those literary abilities and not having them is the difference between writing scientific articles and writing fiction and that is another point that I agree with you about.

   I realize in your report that although the literary style in Tikitian Imprints had been handled and commented on with satisfactory detail, yet the ideology and philosophy behind the book, which I guess had not been completely digested, did not have the same share. For that reason, I am attaching to that email, a file titled "Tikitian Imprints, the Script". In that file you will find clarifications and answers to some of your comments and questions. For example, you will realize that Habi is only Adam-like in many aspects but is not Adam and Tikitian Imprints is not intended to be the story of Adam. You will also see how the story had the predetermined railways of a very clear frame from the start and how the broad lines and the major events had been preset awaiting only a filling in the spaces with the characters and settings (It was in that filling in the spaces part that my proletarian literary abilities were exposed to the claws of insightful critics like you). You will realize that up to chapter 10, I was only crafting the models and defining some familiar primitive human interactions that turned out to be the object of intense elaboration and extensive analysis thereafter.

   Although I did not (actually could not) sprinkle my thoughts evenly throughout yet projections and premonitory clues to the stormy last few chapters were always there. You can only appreciate this if you read the book a second time; with a prior knowledge of to where exactly the author is taking you, you will be able to grasp what you might have mistaken for simple or insignificant comments and narration of events.

   You mentioned that the book was written from a male's point of view. I guess I need further elaboration before I can comment on that if it is not clarified in the attached file.

   You wondered why I did not get into Sheeba's interactions with her kids. Actually I had considered that while I was writing the manuscript. I wanted to contrast the genuine innate female instinct to mother kids with the relatively acquired one of the male. The reasons why I didn't do it was that I imagined I could do without it (refer to the attached file: the bullet sheet of the major events of the novel) on one hand and on the other hand I was afraid I would get myself into a demanding zone that my literary abilities were not yet mature enough for handling.

   Tikitian Imprints is not a romantic book. That is why I apologized to romanticists in the "Apology" at the end of the book. It is a sort of like we say it in Arabic "putting the dots over the letters" for romanticists. It's about the real reasons. My message is "you can be romantic, you can love, you can give or you can commit suicide….but at least you need to know WHAT IS ACTUALLY GOING ON". And of course it is not about telling a 5-year old kid that Santa Claus doesn't exist. It's about telling a 20- and a 30- and a 40-year old adult that Santa Claus doesn't exist. Don't they deserve to know if no one has told them before? And as I mentioned in the author's interview and in the apology, I don't expect most readers to agree with my points of view at least at the start although it is my strong conviction that many will in the end. Do you know how I always comment on my book by the way? I always say "I don't like it. I only believe in it so much." Liking and believing are different but are not incompatible.

   I thank you for praising me as a thinker. It's a blessing after all the literary flaws that you have documented.

   The positive and negative feedbacks and the praises and criticisms I've been receiving since the publication of that book, the new global scale at which I have become exposed and, most important of all, the turbulence and debates the book had been creating in the minds of readers from all walks of life made me realize that it is such a serious and grave responsibility to be a writer, even more than being a physician. This might sound funny but it's frightening sometimes. It's frightening when you believe you have something very sound to say, you consider yourself responsible for saying it to the whole world but you wonder if you have enough time in your life to reach out to everyone. For all those reasons I feel I have no choice but do my best and work to the betterment of communicating those thoughts to readers and for all those reasons I feel overwhelmed with a sense of appreciation and gratitude to all of you for your critical comments. I will keep your report as a valuable and indispensible document and will always return back to it for assistance in my writing career.
 

Hatem Eleishi

May, 2008
 

From: joanne mcnally <jo.mcnally@yahoo.co.uk>
Date: Sun, May 25, 2008 1:02 pm
To: hatem@hatemeleishi.com


24 May, 2008 (earlier than expected)

Dear Hatem

Well, I’ve finished your book today so I thought it would be best to write to you straightaway, and before life gets in the way. And before I read any reviews by others etc.

I’m going to respond personally on a number of levels (reflecting perhaps the levels on which we met).

The first response is that it is a beautiful book in terms of its (human) life-affirming qualities and intentions. There’s much that is from the heart and it touches the heart and is candid, raw in places, and honest. That’s my response as a fellow human being.

The second response is that it’s important that you’ve written the book. It’s important for your own life, for those near and dear to you, and for the quest you’re on. That’s my response as a friend.

The third response is that there’s much I can agree and identify with, but also there are some key things which I can’t, that is to say where I’ve experienced the opposite or different and so think differently (you’ll probably put that down to the different sexes but I’m not so convinced that that’s why, at points, I think differently). Perhaps you’re right about the overall thesis in general. But it’s the exceptions which further genuine creativity, transformations and meaningfulness, rather than imitation or being shackled to your biological make-up and genes. I think you have employed some very effective metaphors and come up with some thought-provoking turns of phrase in places which shed new light on complex thinking. That’s my response as a thinker, and as somebody who has also engaged fully in life as you have.

My response as a writer is that, for me, it is more a parable than a novel. I think if you want to make it more into a novel (for film purposes for instance), then you could easily make your main protagonists more full-bloodied and fleshed out. That’s to say, show us the thesis in action, and with contemporary characters and in a contemporary situation. For instance, you could do it like a contemporary ‘Pygmalion’, whereby two men (angels – Watuna and Auna) decide to ‘train’ a couple in the art of ‘long-lasting foreplay’. It could also be quite comical without compromising too much your overall intentions and ‘message’.

As an editor/ publisher (and thinking in terms of film script), I think the book is most interesting after about halfway through when you’re at your most original. The opening is intriguing, but the next bit could be reduced, I feel, in order to elaborate a bit more on the more interesting dialogues between Habi and his mentors, and to get Habi into more comical and absurd situations before he conceives the ‘meaning of life’.

These are just some opening thoughts on a number of levels to a further discussion.

So what’s the next book about?

If you want to, you can tell me, or send me the first pages which you handed out at the Book Fair.

Keep well.

Joanne
 

May, 2008
 

Date: Sun, May 18, 2008 7:03 am
Subject: Your novel
From: Y Barlow:  yvonnebarlow@yahoo.com

To:hatem@hatemeleishi.com
 

Dear Dr. Eleishi,
We met briefly at the London Book Fair and talked of your novel. I am a former journalist, who recently set up a publishing company. You kindly gave me a copy of your book, and I promised to read it while travelling the Trans-Mongolian Railway.
I have to say, the theme is interesting - probably similar to that of Paul Coelho, who is immensely popular. His stories are simple and seem to provide readers with a sense of hope. I feel your novel would appeal to both men and women - Coelho's readers are mainly female.
However, I do believe the novel needs work. At times it is as though you are trying too hard to put your point across and this results in a wordiness that gets in the way of the story. This is not as dreadful as it sounds. Often it is about having confidence in few words rather than many.
It is good to have distance from our work and see the words with fresh eyes. I would suggest that, after a long break from reading the novel, you read it with fresh eyes - perhaps, while holding a pencil so that you can instantly score out unneccessary text.
It is worth re-writing this novel - and perhaps even reading some Coelho. It's about the simplicity of the sentence structures - as they reflect the basic, simplicity of the message.
Also, please think about 'showing' rather than 'telling'. This is an old fiction-writing adage that you use well in some scenes. It works to draw readers into a story more successfully.
I hope this feedback is helpful, and I do hope you continue to work on the novel.
Regards,
Yvonne Barlow


Yvonne Barlow
Bookline and Thinker Ltd
Suite 231
405 King's Road
London SW10 0BB

Tel: 0845 116 1476
Mobile: 07779 228871
http://www.booklinethinker.com/

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